For the Long Haul

So, in case you weren't aware parenting is not easy. Parenting teens is comparable to assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. This past week has challenged me as not only a parent but a person.

First off ,I have some down right amazing kids and who would've thunk that I'd get to belong to them? Sometimes I simply don't deserve the honor. Even with difficult weeks such as this. You see ,I have come to discover just what makes this parenting thing so difficult, besides the whole not coming with instructions thing.

Parenting requires a certain skill of deep self reflection that bluntly no other relationship presents  ( except one with Christ of course).  These little people that you helped bring to life are without a doubt the most beautifully frustrating entities that you ever have the pleasure of dealing with.  There is simply no job I'd rather do than feebly attempt to shape and mold them.

Even when it requires a long, hard and disappointing look at myself. When your child does wrong or has to be corrected, you want nothing more  than to stop and prevent repeat offenses, often  (& dangerously) pondering ' where I went wrong'. As dangerous as this thought process is, it can be healthy to a degree.

When I correct and guide  my child (ren) I want to ensure that I am living up to and fulfilling my end of the deal. I want to be living a life worth modeling. Here's  where that healthy  deep self reflection comes into play: sometimes it hurts but it is necessary.

I want my relationship with each of my children to be sustainable, long lasting and genuine. We will survive this era of teenagehood and all come out better for it.

aLONG came a change

Although there is quite a bit to get caught up on, I feel that recent events require the most attention. The most recent events have been quite traumatic to say the least for this Mommy and while I am trying my best to acclimate my heart still wonders "What in the heck happened?" Okay let me just come out with it. My three oldest children whom I have homeschooled the past several years have returned to public school. I will admit when they first approached me with this notion, my immediate answer was NO! With every cell in my body, I was not ready to let go. My identity had so been wrapped in them the past three years (and frankly still is), all of my efforts during the school year, were for them. I didn't realize how my heart would ache to be with them during the day. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to tell them something, or show them something and they were gone. Granted they are a couple of blocks away and I go up to the school frequently, but it is not the same; I have had to let go of control and trust that God has them. That honestly has been the most difficult part of letting my babies go, knowing that they were going to be safe in His hands. I didn't want them to become scarred by the world, or have their innocence stripped. I have tried very hard (perhaps to a fault) of maintaining their innocence, we live in a cruel world that already wants them to grow up faster than they need too. I just want them to grow up as slowly as possible and enjoy their childhood, without the pressures, thoughts, opinions and harshness of the world.

 I struggle with trusting God and wanting my kids back in my arms, in my home, in our jammies (learning of course). The thing though that I have had to remind myself, too many times to count,is that they, belong to Him. They are not mine, and His plans for them are certainly greater than any plans I have conjured up in my limited mind. The funny thing about this is Jaden is who ultimately (other than God) opened my crying eyes to being okay with the notion of them returning. I prompted (okay insisted) him to tell or give me one good reason why they ought to go back to public school, to which he responded " Mom, you always tell us you want us to be a light in the world, well how am I supposed to be a light, when you won't let me in the world?". Ouch. That hurt. I had been training them, raising them and encouraging them over the past several years to stand out, be different and make an impact for the kingdom of Christ. I believe that He will use them for such a time as this and that they will be a light in a dark place.

 I believe that He gave me those several years with my children to build up their faith, teach them how to defend their faith and be bold in their faith and convictions. I have no doubts that the timing is all God's and have had to learn that just because it was the right decision, doesn't make it the easiest. God often grows and stretches us during trying or difficult times. I have to cling to the knowledge that I do not go through this alone, that not only is He with me, but He is with the kids. He is going before them, and giving them favor among their peers and teachers.

 As I am learning that the right choice is not the easiest, I am discovering myself. Who I am in Christ, who I am as a mother, a wife,a daughter,a friend, an aunt, what have you, I am re-writing my story in a sense, because honestly I am lost without my kids. I am a wreck without their presence, their laugh, even their fighting in my everyday life. Although this change is not my favorite, and I wouldn't have chosen it on my own, I am grateful for a Savior that eases my pain, dries the many tears I have cried, and bestows grace as I make mistakes a long my re-written story. I pray that as the weeks continue this process of letting them go every morning (for what feel like an eternity to me) will become easier, that my heart with begin to mend, in the meantime each morning is like a fresh band-aide being ripped off a wound, creating a broken and lost me, waiting for them to return back home from school.

Daddy's Turn

It's a school, playground, resturant, storage unit, kennel, and most importantly a home. The family member that makes it all work is Mom. Janell is the most organized person in the world. She has the unique ability to juggle being a Mom, cook, teacher, Family Nurse, Wife and excell at it. I have a hard enough time just making coffee when I wake up after working a 16 hr shift. It's truly a blessing being married to a Women that loves the Lord with all her heart. I can see the Love of Christ shine through her and it makes me so incredibly happy to know our kids will be learning from the best teacher ever. We might have the busiest house in the world, but I know with the Holy Spirit leading our way nothing is impossible. I would change nothing about our busy lives, it is an honor and pleasure being Dad/Husband to the greatest kids/Wife ever. As a family we know Jesus is our #1 priority and without him we are nothing. We will continue to keep our eye on the prize and Look to Him for Guidance. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!!

Who's teaching who?

Okay, so I am willing to admit my children may have taught me more in recent weeks, than I have them. My children- I love them so- but they and I are quite different you see. They are carefree, could care less about structure, routine, or time constraints.For those of you who know me well, well to put it bluntly I can be rather anal about routine, structure, orderliness and timeliness. In fact, it can make me a down right grumpy pants when things don't go as planned and scheduled. I have had to take a major look at these qualities, for I am outnumbered by 4 children, and as much as I have tried bring them to my side of the world, the truth is, I am now living in their world. ( the dark side, as I like to call it) My toddler whom has no concept of 'school time' wants to play, eat, sing loudly and poop right in the middle of it. And so away goes my 'school time' routine. It's okay, I feel I have gracefully adjusted and accomadated for 'life' in my planning and routine. One of my dear twins, Emma has the uncanning ability to think and talk about anything and everything else besides what we are actually learning- " Hey Mom, wanna see my new dance", "Wanna hear my new song", are things I hear on a daily basis. Perhaps I will figure out how to incorporate dancing with math or singing with reading to captire Emma's attention for more than 2 seconds. Our 10 year old Jaden is a breeze- no literally he is a lightening fast breeze that has run through the house leaving a trail behind. I will give him credit though, he is as quick as whip and sharp as a tac. Which makes my new job as teacher easy with him. Allie our other twin, well let's just say she requires motivation. If eating were a subject she would be sure to ace it. Food is often a motivator for her. " Can I have a snack after this lesson", " I'm hungry" she will say right after a full course meal. That child acts as if we never feed her- really. All in all however, I have had to learn to roll with the punches and not be so uptight regarding any concept of structure or routine...deep breath...I got this..I may need therapy afterwards but I got this.

Can I teach in pajamas?

This weekend is our last weekend before homschool starts in full swing. I am a nurse, I have some time management skills, I can handle a zillion tasks at once, and generally am not one to get overwhelmed. When I consider all of the dynamics that are involved with homeschooling, I will admit, it is beyond me. Do I need to separate myself as mommy and put a teacher persona on during class time? Can I teach in my pajamas? I mean really..talk about an awesome day at work! Yes, I cleaned the house, taught the kids, masterminded a craft, planned supper, and I did it all in PJ's-Boom! That's my kinda day :) I think I can get used to this homeschool stuff :) Don't get me wrong, I have a closet full of lovely clothes, which I an sure will serve their purpose when I must be seen in public, but for now I will teach in my pajamas :)

Career Change

Today I left nursing. Don't get me wrong, I will always be a nurse, I will continue to be compassionate towards others, I will always have a need to help. I however will now be employed at home. I will be a full time mommy, teacher and wife. By no means have I left nursing for an easier job, it will bring a new set of challenges daily. I have no doubts I will be pushed to my limits, but will gain unlimited rewards. I have no doubts that patience will be tested, but understanding will grow. I feel honored to be a mother and have little lives to invest in. I only pray that I set a good example, and can show love and graditude daily. I pray I can become better each day and develope a Christ-like character. I pray I can use my new given career as a time of reflection, growth and development. I will embrace my new role to the best of my God given abilities and am beyond excited for my new journey.

I can't eat what!?!

Okay, so after my recent increase of flare-ups, I have decided to review my no-no list. Why yes, I have looked at the 'no eat' list before, and I did well for quite awhile, but looking at it again I have to ask myself "What else is left?". It seems everything is on my no no list! Wheat, dairy, potatoes, tomatoes, corn, sugar, citrus fruits (except for lemons and limes), pork, commercial non-organic eggs, shellfish, peanuts and peanut butter, coffee, alcohol, juice, caffeinated teas, soda, anything containing hydrogenated oils, processed foods, and fried foods. This no-no list contains two of my favorite food groups: Sweets and Coffee! :( Don't judge my food groups. Oh hum, this shall be a lifestyle adjustment for sure. Well here goes- Healthier lifestyle and no more RA flare ups, I think so :) Starting with tonights dinner: Baked Italian Breaded Chicken Garden Squash Wild Rice